Wanting the change but not knowing where to start is very common, which is why many people don’t start at all.
I know one thing for sure: if you’re a woman of 50 or over, you have all the tools you need to get out of that place you’re stuck in! It really is a case of discovering and unpacking those tools.
Firstly, if you really want to initiate change, you gotta get quiet. What I mean by this is choose a place where you can be alone. If that sounds a bit scary right now, take yourself off to your favourite place, whether it’s local park, up a mountain, or even a room in your home where you feel like you can be uninterrupted by daily stuff.
Question 1: What Am I No Longer Willing To Tolerate In My Life?
The answer to this question may come quickly, or you may not be able to clarify it. There are many reasons we are not able to tune in: sometimes it can be the guilt of displeasing others, sometimes it will be because you have been conditioned not to choose you first, other times it will just be a sense of overwhelm.
If the answer to the question doesn’t come easy, do this:
Take a piece of A4 paper or a journal and draw a vertical line down the middle. On the left-hand side write down all the things you don’t want in your life, be it a hairstyle, a person or your work. Let this flow. No holds barred. This is your place to express things you might have been scared to even think about before, let alone write down or say out loud!
Now, on the right-hand side write against the ‘don’t want’ the thing you do want, i.e.
For example – Don’t want: a 9-5 job Do want: work that allows me to work from anywhere
Now see how this feels. It should give you a clearer picture of the clutter in your life, whether it be physical things or relationships.
Question 2: From My List Of ‘Don’t Wants’, What Am I Willing To Change Now?
This may sound a bit drastic, but it’s not.
I can guarantee there will be something on that list you will want to change. It may not be doable right now, but it shows you want the change to happen. It confirms that your gut instinct has been right all this time. That feeling you’ve had for months or even years that something just doesn’t feel right gets validated right here.
Understanding what you’re willing to change gives you agency over your life. It shows you where you can begin to have control over your decisions.
Once you are clear on one or more thing you are willing to change but don’t know how, that’s OK. Don’t think about the how right now.
Sit, tune in, and imagine how you would feel if you made that change. What difference would this change make in your life? What effect would it have on your daily life?
Feeling our will rise up is so important. It’s something that may have got lost for a long time. By doing this exercise you will feel motivated
Intention, will, action. That’s the order of things.
First comes the intention. This is the stage of inspiration, dreaming, wanting something outside of what you are currently experiencing in your life.
Next comes your will. Will is something that happens when you are committed to an idea. It is the motivation and drive you need to make change. It’s a feeling that says: My gut says I must do this.
And finally comes action. If your will is intact and in alignment with your soul, you will be completely committed to taking action. Alignment with your soul means your body is telling you that this is right. Sometimes taking action can take a little longer, but if you are willing you will find a way.
A note of caution: taking action should be in alignment with your values. I’ll be writing more about values in future.
Question 3: What Or Who Is Stopping Me From Making Some Of These Changes?
Oh yes, there are always going to be bottlenecks. People will love to tell you all the pitfalls and downsides of some idea you have or decision you want to make, and the only reason they do that is because they themselves are afraid. Of course, friends or family members may well have your best interests at heart, and it’s always worth listening to an opinion, because we all have one. However, in order to have the life you want, you’re going to have to learn to filter out advice that is not in line with you and what you want for yourself. It’s easy for us to tell someone else what we think they should be doing with their life and if you know someone like this, my advice would be to tell them thank you, but I’d prefer to make this choice based on my own values.
If that person is closer to home, i.e. a partner or spouse, or a family member, it can be tricky to navigate but again, you have embarked on a journey where you start to choose, and sometimes this means we lose people from our lives. Any person who does not like your choices, when you know they are positive choices for you, only has their own interests at heart. They most likely feel threatened by your decision to make changes. A person who loves and supports you will listen and try to understand what and why you are making these changes. Anyone who cannot do that in your life needs to be on the left side of that list you made!
Of course, reasons you feel you can’t make changes might be money, location, family status, but in the end all of these are things you will get to change along the way if necessary.
Finally, the only other thing standing in your way will be you, and that’s a fear thing.
My mantra since I was in my mid-20s has been: I trust myself to deal with it.
No matter what comes up, there’s always a way to figure things out. It might not be the way we had initially planned but, as Marie Forleo says: everything is figureoutable!
Feeling stuck is not a nice feeling. I understand it well. That’s why I developed tools in my own life to get me unstuck. Looking at what’s true and what’s not. Changing my perspective. Looking at all the possibilities.
And if you’re at the point where you have the intention and the will, but taking action seems tricky, I can definitely assist!
My NEXT CHAPTER NOW coaching program will help you to create your amazing future.
Are you ready to create your next chapter? Reach out to me for a free discovery call or follow me on Instagram for practical tips and inspiration.